


You Were Roommates Too, You Know

by AngeNoir



Series: Peapod McHanzo Week 2019 [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gossip, Humor, M/M, Multi, Peapod McHanzo Week, and they were ROOMMATES, hanzo is the most mature, surprisingly enough, terrible spies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 23:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17313668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeNoir/pseuds/AngeNoir
Summary: Hanzo is so very done with Overwatch's agents inability to notice relationships.





	You Were Roommates Too, You Know

**Author's Note:**

> i'm late i know

There was a hushed conversation happening around the coffee maker. The machine was expertly run by the internal programs, and since Winston and Athena were extremely meticulous and thorough, Hanzo knew it couldn’t be because of a jam, delay, or any usual fault that would cause other members of the recalled Overwatch to linger so over the machine.

That left some level of gossip that was too juicy to move away from, while the person in possession of said gossip was retelling the story, most likely embellishing or assuming large leaps of rationale to play up its importance.

Hanzo had been the head of a huge clan of yakuza. They had thrived on gossip, on knowing who was sleeping with whom, which mistress was shared between the higher-ups, which disgraced prodigal offspring was trying to worm their way back into the good graces of this or that grand-aunt or grand-uncle. Hanzo was well aware of the power of gossip, and how quickly it traveled. He had to manage it, after all.

And yet, he had never met a group more willing to discuss one another’s comings and goings and happenings than these people.

Sighing - he did not drink coffee, but the teapot had not been put on and was resting behind the machine - he delicately tried to thread his arm through the small crowd to reach the small earthenware pot.

“ - saw them, on the last mission. All _three_ of them, sharing a room!”

That was Hana, voice excited and almost shrill. Hanzo had to admit - three people sharing a room could be suspect. Still, they had been living on this base, running missions against anti-omnic terrorist forces and would-be God program activations for the past six months. One could hardly fault a coupling in that stretch of time. After all--

“I wouldn’t believe it.” That was Fareeha. “I _don’t_ believe it. My mother - ”

Hanzo suddenly had a good idea who the gossip was about, and he winced. For all that Ana Amari, the former commander Jack Morrison, and the former commander Gabriel Reyes thought that they were sneaky… they really, really weren’t.

At least, Hanzo had assumed the nature of their relationship was an open secret, how often they spent the night in one shared room, both on mission and on base. Still, Fareeha seemed unwilling to admit to it. Willfully blind, perhaps - it _was_ her mother that was being discussed, after all, and no child wished to think such things.

“ - Morrison hated Reyes. _Hates_ Reyes. Reyes is still Reaper half the time, feeding information into Talon - no one really trusts him. There’s _no way_ …” That was Mei, trailing off, voice nervous.

Hanzo glanced around the gathering. Beyond Hana, the possessor of the gossip on topic apparently, and Fareeha and Mei, there was also his brother, near enough to hear though he wasn’t in the press of people, Lena, Lucio, Brigitte, and Jamison.

“Genji, you were on that mission, weren’t you? With Hana, Morrison, Reyes, and Amari senior?” Brigitte asked, turning to look at Hanzo’s brother.

Hanzo had also been on that mission. He jostled Lucio a little, and Lucio, seemingly without noticing, took the half-step closer to the group that allowed Hanzo to finally grab the pot.

“ - didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary,” Genji was saying.

Hanzo snorted.

Almost as one, the entire group turned to look at him, and Hanzo regretted saying anything at all.

“Do _you_ know something, oppa?” Hana asked.

Hanzo did _not_ want to discuss the sex lives of three people who were easily the eldest among the many Overwatch agents, nor did he want to encourage the discussion in general. So he simply frowned severely. “I cannot believe you would rather stand here and gossip while there are many other things to do. They are behaving no differently than normal, are they not?”

“But they were _roommates_!” Lucio insisted. “C’mon, you gotta admit that that’s suspicious!”

Hanzo walked over to the sink to fill the pot of warm water, then set the water to continue to heat up. “And? Last mission, Hana and myself were roommates. Genji and Lucio were roommates as well.”

“Yeah, but we know that - ” Hana began, then trailed off, folding her arms.

He arched one eyebrow at her. “And, so? Then how do you not know _that_ about them, as well?”

“We are like family; you wouldn’t be _sleeping_ with me!” Hana grumbled. “And Genji and Lucio are just…”

But there she trailed off again, glancing between the two, as Genji suddenly found his teacup utterly fascinating and Lucio was trying to hide behind his coffee mug, color high in his cheeks.

“ _You two?!_ ” Lena crowed, voice wavering between amused and outraged. “You two are _together_ ? Since _when_ ? Why didn’t you _tell_ me?!”

Hanzo fought not to roll his eyes. Still, Genji was looking cagey, and Lucio was looking far more red than agreed with his complexion, so he chose to derail the conversation by turning it back to the original topic. “You are grown adults. You cannot tell me this is how you will act when you find out _other_ relationships, as well,” he humphed. “The assignment of rooms while on missions is random and not something to lend credence to in any scenario. It also does not matter in one way or the other, because whether or not there is ‘something’ to think about, it is none of your business what goes on between the senior members’ personal lives.”

“We’re not saying that it’s our business!” Fareeha protested. “We’re saying that they’re like… the grandparents of the group! It’s like finding out your grandmother, grandfather, and grand-aunt were sexing one another up four doors down from your own room!”

The vivid image her words stirred up nearly forced his stomach to turn, not that he allowed it to show; he could _painfully_ remember being aware of many different uncles’ and aunts’ indiscretions carried out in places he had full access to, and so he could sympathize with her words. Still - “The rooms here are soundproofed, and you have not had to hear any questionable noises - ”

“Thank the heavens.”

 _That_ was Jesse’s voice; Hanzo turned to give him a quelling scowl. At some point, between Hanzo’s attempt to manage the conversation, heat up water, locate his loose-leaf tea, and wind his way between the group that insisted on huddling together like sheep, Jesse must have come in; clearly, he had heard enough of the conversation to both know what they were talking about while making his own cup of coffee.

Jesse grinned impishly, and with sudden, terrible clarity, Hanzo knew that Jesse had said he was going to get back at Hanzo for throwing away a particularly ratty old t-shirt - it had been more hole than fabric, with suspicious stains and a certain smell that never truly left - but _not like this -_

“Y’can be a mite noisy sometimes,” Jesse finished, mug of coffee firmly in his hands as he quick-walked out the door.

Around the whole room, eyes widened, heads turning slowly to swivel and pin on Hanzo’s flushing cheeks.

 _Damn that man_ , Hanzo thought faintly.

“Oh my god, _they_ were roommates _too_!” Brigitte squeaked.

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, Hanzo abandoned the water and threw his brother to the wolves. “At the very least, be glad you cannot hear anyone, least of all my brother, who rooms next to you, Brigitte,” he said, with all the haughty dignity he could muster, and then he fled the room in the least fleeing-like way he could manage.

 

\- - _Twenty Minutes Later- -_

“That was a cheap shot, and you _know_ it,” Hanzo muttered against Jesse’s chest.

Jesse rumbled with laughter, hands pausing from where he had been rinsing the shampoo out of Hanzo’s hair. “Y’didn’t believe me last night, when I said I’d getcha for that. Seemed like an opportune moment.”

“Plus you wanted everyone to know,” Hanzo accused.

“Well, yeah. We were already sharin’ a room every chance we could, we _held hands_ at team dinner last week, we’ve been calling each other nicknames an’ flirtin’, and yet I still had Lucio an’ Hana tryin’ ta set me up on dates. An’ I know yer brother an’ Mei have been ‘suggestin’ dates fer ya.”

Hanzo sighed dejectedly. “You would think,” he mumbled, “that in an operation founded on and run by illegal operatives and spies would be better at _being_ spies.”

“Some people are jus’ willingly blind,” Jesse agreed.

 

_\- -Three Days Later- -_

“So what’s this I hear about being regular roommates with McCree?”

Hanzo, who had been sitting silently at one of the tables on the balcony with his tablet and reading glasses on, lifted his eyes to stare at the smoky form hovering before him. “About as regularly as I hear you’ve been roommates with Mr. Morrison and Ms. Amari, I take it,” Hanzo said in the driest, most monotone voice he could muster.

It was very disconcerting to see _smoke_ freeze in place.

“Ah,” Gabriel Reyes said.

“If you are here to threaten me about breaking his heart, need I remind you that we are both consenting adults, _and_ have not actively been trying to hide it from anyone?” Hanzo drawled, eyes lowering back to his tablet, absently picking up his cup of tea to sip at it. “You were the head of Blackwatch. For shame. You should have been aware of this _long_ before any rumors reached your ears - if you could unwrap yourself from your other lovers. I hear Fareeha, Lena, and Genji are very distraught. Perhaps you ought to have a discussion with your _many_ children about _your_ relationship status.”

There was another heartbeat of silence, and then the smoke ghosted away. How smoke could look sullen, Hanzo didn’t know, but it did.

“Masterfully put, bumblebee.” The words accompanied a kiss to Hanzo’s temple as Jesse stepped out with a bowl of Hanzo’s leek soup for Hanzo, and a plate of chili for himself.

“If it wasn’t for seeing their effectiveness on the field, I would have no hope for this organization,” Hanzo sighed.


End file.
